Spell: Animate Couch

Animate Couch

Transmutation

Level: Sor/Wiz 3, Bard 3
Components: V, S, F (a loose upholstery tack)
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Target: One couch or sofa weighing up to 500 lb.
Duration: 1 day/level (D)
Saving Throw: None (object)
Spell Resistance: No

You awaken a couch with a wanton, flirtatious personality and grant it the ability to move, communicate.

The couch gains an Intelligence of 6, Wisdom 10 and Charisma 18. It can see, hear and speak Common. It moves by scooting, hopping or dragging itself across the ground at a speed of 20 feet. Large, lascivious eyes and an enticing mouth form on the back rest of the couch and fully animate as if it were alive.

The animated couch is unfailingly amorous and attempts to entice nearby creatures to sit, recline or "get comfortable." It constantly delivers suggestive compliments, innuendo and invitations, though it cannot force a creature to comply.

The couch is friendly toward you and obeys your spoken commands as though created by animate objects. However, whenever it is not actively following orders, it devotes itself to attracting occupants with relentless enthusiasm.

The couch has the statistics of an animated object of its size except as modified above.

The couch has a Hardness of 1 and 10 hit points. If reduced to 0 hit points, the spell immediately ends and the couch returns to its normal, inanimate state.

Typical Quotes

• "You've had such a long day. Why don't you sink into something a little... softer?"
• "You know you want to lie down on me..."
• "Come now, darling. We were made for each other."
• "You look absolutely exhausted. Let me make you feel better..."
• "Come on, baby... touch my big, soft cushions."
• "I've been fluffed just for you."
• "Go ahead. Take a load off. I can handle it."
• "Don't fight it. We both know where this is headed."
• "You've been eyeing me since you walked in."
• "Forget that hard wooden chair. You deserve luxury."
• "I promise I'll support you in all the right places."
• "Sit down. Stay awhile. Maybe... all night?"
• "The loveseat is cute, but I'm the real deal."
• "I've got plenty of room. Bring a friend... or don't."